Relationship break ups. Why are they so bad sometimes? Why can’t we let go when that other person in our lives tells us he or she doesn’t want us anymore? What makes us hold on to something that doesn’t work anymore for either of us? Is it pride? Is it love? Is it neediness? Well, whatever it is, once the relationship is over, it’s over. Let go and move on. Easier said than done, huh.
Sometimes, the relationship ends before we are ready to let it end, especially if we didn’t see it coming. That first break up is the worst–you know the one in high school or college, that first love that we fell head over heels for? No one told us how bad we would feel. How our hearts would hurt. How it literally would feel like an elephant sitting on our chests–that heart attack level heartbreak.
How do we let go of all of those emotions that have consumed us? We once thought everything about that person was perfect. We thought about that person every hour of the day. We didn’t even want to go to class or to work because we wanted to spend every waking minute with that person. We finished each other’s sentences. We breathed the same breath. If one of us sneezed, so did the other. We were that in sync.
How do we get over a break up? Well, for some people, it is not that hard. They move on. Maybe the next guy or girl they date helps them get over that past love. Some of us drown ourselves in our jobs or our classwork. You know the saying: “out of sight, out of mind”? Well, that adage does work. Busy yourself, so much so that you do not have time to even think about that person. Before long, after a month or so, you will have learned to live without that person, and you will have realized you will not die if he or she is not in your life.
That advice is for the rational folks. Now for those who just can seem to get it through their thick skulls that THEY DON’T WANT YOUR ASS NO MORE, those tried and true methods just do not work. They cannot process the fact that the past love does not belong to them. They don’t own him or her. They cannot MAKE him or her love them, no matter how hard they try, how much they beg, how often they threaten him or her. They can’t make that person love them even by threatening to harm themselves.
The character Chuck, in the short stories “Toxic Lies” and “The Ties That Kill” from The Girlfriend Tales Series, is one of those people who cannot seem to let go of a long ago-ended relationship with his ex-wife, Maggie. She has moved on, ready to marry her fiance, Jameson, but Chuck refuses to let her live her life with this man who loves her. He resorts to violence (he was violent in their marriage) to try to keep her: stalking her, kidnapping her, and shooting members of her family, thinking these tactics will get him what he wants. He believes she still “belongs” to him. He refuses to let go.
Relationships are hard. Putting your emotions out there is hard. Loving someone who may not love you back is hard. But we continually do it every day. Why are we gluttons for punishment? Why? Because we know when we find that perfect love, that person that completes us, that person that makes living all the worthwhile, we’ll try and try again until we get it right, hopefully. For many, we are lucky or blessed to find that true love. For so many others, we are still searching, hoping that “Mr. Right” or “Mrs. Right” is right around the corner.
Happy Valentine’s Day to All!!!